New Moon

“You’re my only reason to stay alive.”

The aforementioned quote is from the 2nd installment of the Twilight saga. This quote along with many other similar moments of discourse is what allows New Moon to take the “cheese” factor to unfathomable heights.

For the most part, New Moon is superior to Twilight. Less logical oversights, higher production value and already established characters allows this film to be somewhat watchable. It is a rare moment when a sequel is superior to the original. By no means am I calling this film the next Godfather II or The Dark Knight, but it isn’t an abortion like Son of the Mask. New Moon’s shortcomings are not due to its wild logical oversights and lack of research (although some still exist), but the overall nature of its main character.

Before addressing the idiotic nature of Bella (the main character), there are a few things that need to be addressed.

-The fictional nature of the high school that Bella and Edward attend

1. Bella and Edward are both seniors in high school.
2. They are enrolled in the same English class
3. In that class they are reading Romeo and Juliet

This is possibly problematic. I understand that the writer is attempting to establish parallels between Bella/Edward and Romeo/Juliet, but it’s a bit of a reach. Most high schools have English classes read that Shakespearian classic in either 9th or 10th grade….not 12th. Senior English classes usually read and analyze Hamlet or Macbeth.

-The nature of Edward

“Bella, you give me everything just by breathing.”

None other than Edward delivers that poetic masterpiece. Although it may seem a bit over the top, the implications of this quote are much more bothersome.

1. Edward is over 100 years old
2. Bella is 18 years old

That means that Edward has lived through historical moments that stretches back before World War I. Its difficult believe that a man with over 100 years of experience would be so wildly attracted to a girl in high school. It’s fair to assume that in his 100 years of existence that he has not only been exposed to significant historical events but became rather educated in the process. It seems his highly developed level of sophistication and world exposure would not allow him to be in love with a girl who is 18 years old. I imagine a woman in her 30’s would be much more engaging due to her maturity and exposure to life experiences, especially for a someone as old as Edward.

-The nature of her friend Jessica

Bella and Jessica are seen leaving a movie theater together. It’s implied that they watched a zombie movie and Jessica begins a minor rant on the merits of such a film.

First, she mentions in the rant that her cousin has leprosy. In the US, approximately 6000 people have leprosy and of the 6000, only .1% does not respond to treatment. So is she upset because her cousin is a part of that .1%? I don’t get it.

Second, she questions whether this zombie movie was a metaphor for consumerism. I would like to state, girls in high school do not analyze the artistic merits of zombie movies and the possible subtexts that might exist within such films.

-The nature of Bella

For those who haven’t seen this masterpiece, the primary plot of the film consists of Bella wanting to be changed into a vampire so she can be with Edward forever. He isn’t too keen on the idea because he believes that she would have to forfeit her soul in order to become like him. His love for her transcends the physical (supposedly) thus not allowing him to change her. It’s fairly noble, although somewhat unbelievable. During a conversation about the given topic Bella utters these supposedly romantic words.

“I don’t want my soul without you.”

This complete lack of foresight ushered in the beginning of the main character’s downward spiral into unforgivably idiotic behavior. First, I feel the philosophical implications of the given quote cannot go unaddressed. Bella essentially states that she would welcome the thought of non-existence or hell if that meant a lifetime on earth with Edward. Insanely dumb and very shortsighted.

Edward leaves for an extended period of time and Bella gets involved Jacob (played by Taylor Lautner) who happens to be a werewolf-type creature when provoked. Bella suffers through a bout of depression and she can only see visions of Edward when she acts recklessly. I want thoroughly examine these acts of irrational behavior.

Scenario #1

The first time Bella saw a vision of Edward was when she was exiting the movie theater with her friend Jessica. A group of men that appear to be of ill repute call to her and as she approaches she sees a vision of Edward. A man offers her a ride on his motorcycle and because she now can see visions of Edwards she willingly accepts this man’s invitation. She willingly puts herself in a situation where she could get RAPED or GANGBANGED just so she can see an apparition of her lost love. Absolutely ridiculous.

Scenario #2

After Edward leaves, Bella and Jacob begin repairing some old motorcycles together. Why? Because Bella realizes she can see more visions of Edward by putting her life in danger. Good one.

So the time comes when Jacob and Bella are finally going to take their choppers out for a spin. Bella recklessly drives to the point where she crashes and her midsection collides with a boulder. This presented a moment for the “attention to detail” department to take short break. The scene can be viewed here.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sxYqqzQdLeQ

After taking a spill of that nature, one can easily assume one or more of the following injuries are suffered: Broken ribs, punctured lungs, internal bleeding and/or a concussion. But the movie clearly indicates all she suffers is a scratch on the head. Which left me with the following inquiry. Really?

Scenario #3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g5UfAiZDh-U

My comments can be summed up simply.

Yeah….sure.

Overall, this film continues to enforce the idea that Bella is unforgivably stupid. Her acts of insanity in the name of love are simply that….insane.

2 final notes

1. Taylor Lautner is an exceptionally bad actor.
2. Edward looks like a retard on quaaludes.