Twilight

I recently watched Twilight for the first time….wow.

I realized why teenage girls are eating this up. This is right up their proverbial alleys. Here is the story line: The main character (a seventeen year old girl) falls in love with a vampire boy who is posing as a seventeen year old but is closer to 100 years old. If one does the math, 100 years old + 17 years old = pedophile. Good stuff.

Aside from the whole mythological aspect of the film, the first logical misstep I noticed involved the occupation of Bella’s new stepfather. According to the film, Bella’s mom remarried a man named Phil who was a minor league baseball player and whose job required they be on the road, hence, Bella had to move the northwest region. This is a major logical oversight.

Being that Bella is 17 years old when the second marriage occurs; one can logically assume that her mother (barring a teenage pregnancy) is about 40-45 years of age. Under this assumption, her new husband would be approximately the same age. However, most minor league baseball players are between the ages of 19-24. Most, if not all, minor league teams would not waste a roster spot on a player who is approximately 40 years old unless he is in the mold of Roger Clemens/Barry Bonds and is returning from an injury. They (the Major League affiliate) simply would not be receiving a favorable return on their investment. Lazy writing.

Another peculiarity I noticed regarded the high school that Bella attended. According the movie, she attends Forks High School in Washington where she attends with 357 other people. The population of said town is about 3000. To live in a town where over 10% of its population attends high school is highly unlikely. Not impossible, but definitely not probable

I also couldn’t help but notice the ethnic diversity that existed within Bella’s group of friends. One must admire her progressive approach to making new chums.

Soon after Bella’s time at Forks High School begins, her class takes a field trip to some sort of plant palace/greenhouse. Two full size school buses were parked outside. Why did this bother me? Allow me to explain.

1) A full size school bus holds approximately 50 students if they are sitting 2 to a seat.
2) With 2 buses taken, they can bus 100 students if need be.
3) That means the school district allowed a school to have 30% of its student population to attend a field trip pertaining to one science class (which would never happen).
4) However, there were only 12-20 distinctly different students present during the excursion.

But my favorite part of the movie was the following quote:

“I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.”

This quote alone is proof that the vast majority of teenage girls are unforgivably stupid. This entire unlikely infatuation is rooted in the fact that Bella lusts after Edward and has little to do with his “compelling and engaging” personality. When this gem of a quote is delivered, she has known of Edward’s existence for about a month and has engaged in conversations where a total of 100 words were spoken by either party. Helen Keller might be mistaken for an auctioneer next to these two.
Another moment of illogical behavior was when she willingly went into a relationship with him after he told her that he had murdered people in the past and that her blood was his own personalized brand of heroin. What a dumb slut. This is the same mindset adopted by women who marry prisoners that are incarcerated for life while they are locked up.